Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Why I Hate the Girl Scouts


Let's ignore, for a moment, my bad experiences with the Girl Scouts. Let's pretend that my troop leader's daughter was not an overachieving twit who always sold like a thousand boxes of cookies. I'll set aside the fact that said troop leader liked to publicly compare our relative achievements. ("Oh, looks like Jamie only sold 199 boxes of cookies; not quite enough to get [whatever the hell prize 200 boxes of cookies entitled you to]. Too bad.") And we can totally forget the fact that my dad was into camping and we did way more fun/cool stuff (camping! shooting GUNS!) as a family than I ever did in stupid scouts.

Why I really hate Girl Scouts is that every February, when I'm feeling down and draggy and really, really ready for spring, those damn be-sashed young women come bearing the comfort food of all comfort foods.


Those bitches bring cookies.

And between my pig-out on Oscar night (cheese! crackers! cosmopolitans!) and the boxes and boxes of cookies at my house (I got six, my brother got six, my parents each got four), I am going to gain back the five pounds I've lost in the last four weeks.


I'm off to the 24-hour Walmart to buy a padlock for the frickin' freezer.

6 comments:

  1. Funny! How true.

    Did you stimulate the economy yet with a bike purchase? Hubby has a pair of 404's but he says you need the 808s!!

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  2. i just can't believe how much they cost and how few cookies you get! they are going for 3.50 a box where i live

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  3. haha, yes they do! although i was one... yum yum :)

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  4. After baking an apple pie, and getting a chocolate moose cake from my GFs parents, Sam brings home 4 boxes of girl scout cookies. Amazing timing, right?!
    Good thing it is the off season... ugh.

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  5. girl scout cookies are especially satisfying when whipped overhand at overachieving twits. samoas, especially, sting like the dickens and leave a nice impression.

    just sayin'.

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  6. you are SO right. i just cannot help myself.

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